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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "paint_me_blind" journal:

July 29th, 2004
12:14 am [Link]	...i need to sleep...this insomnia sucks... ...im sooo bored....and its sad...i have no one to really hang out with...now that im single...i dont know what to do with my time...and i hate not having anyone to be affectionate with...i feel lonely... Current Mood: discontent Current Music: on broken wings (4 comments \| Leave a comment)
July 19th, 2004
12:54 am [Link]	...this sucks... ...evan and i broke up last night...and i feel horrible...i think right now it is for the better...but i honestly dont know...i hate knowing that i hurt him...it tears me up...but we both need some time to make some changes...i am so confused and feel rather lost at the moment... Current Mood: sad Current Music: muse (1 comment \| Leave a comment)
June 27th, 2004
08:57 pm [Link]	...bored.... ( hardcore bear ) Current Music: my ruin (Leave a comment)
June 26th, 2004
10:46 pm [Link]	.....wooooo..... ...chevonne and i got krunk tonite....word.... Current Mood: hyper Current Music: the bronx (5 comments \| Leave a comment)
June 21st, 2004
12:43 am [Link]	... ...so not much has happened lately...my neighbors house burned down the other day at like 3:30 in the AM and i had to be to work at 7...it sucked...there was a rather hilarious part to it all however...so my dad is in the back yard spraying down lower side of our property cause the flames were getting pretty close...and he has to be his stubborn self and not leave the yard...even after a cop goes back there and tells him he should leave...well fast-foreward here...he finally comes out and i noticed something was different...couldnt figure it out...then i finally realized it as he walked away...and i whisper to my mom "is dad wearing your capri's???"....needless to say in his panic he slipped into me moms cute little capris...we were all laughing pretty hard...as was our neighbor...and this was our first time ever meeting...what a great first impression...i can only imagine what the cop was thinking...oh that was great... Current Mood: awake Current Music: for the record (3 comments \| Leave a comment)
June 14th, 2004
11:31 pm [Link]	...to go or not to go... ...so i have a dilemma...the bled is playing this sunday...which just so happens to be fathers day...i want to go oh so badly...but my dad is putting me on an indirect guilt trip...and i know i'll get shit from my mom if i go...she come at me with some lines of me being inconsiderate and disrespectful...whatever...but my dad isnt the nicest person and i dunno if i really feel like taking up a day to tell him that he's "such a super dad! and he deserves a day just for him because he is just the coolest"...meh...i dunno...i dont see the big deal about fathers day...when 80% of the time my father and i are either arguing or not talking...soooo...i dont see how my company would affect his little day... Current Mood: bored Current Music: my ruin (5 comments \| Leave a comment)
01:21 am [Link]	...left movieless... ...so i wanted to buy a movie tonite from walmart...apparently it was rated "R" and the bastards wouldnt let me buy it since im not 18...i was never a big fan of walmart to begin with...this just makes me hate them more...so i was without my movie tonite... Current Mood: awake Current Music: camera obscura (4 comments \| Leave a comment)
June 7th, 2004
11:04 pm [Link]	...pleasantly surprised... ...today was all in all a really good day...i started talking to my sister about the whole evan and i deal...and she asked me on little question..."do you two still love each other??"...and my immediate answer was "yes"...and she tells me "well there you go then"...it may sound stupid and it may not actually come down to such and easy question...and i need to stop being so fucking indesisive...but i do love him...i love him a great deal...and i want to try to work on things to make things better instead of just calling it quits now...this doesnt mean that ive just let go of all the things that im not happy with but im willing to try and look past some of them for the time being and not lose a person i care for in the process...so i went and saw him today and things went wonderfully...we were both in a great mood...smiling...laughing...having fun...and it was lovely...i gave him the couple little things that i picked up for him in cali and then we went down to tiki tattoo...evan showed the tattoo artist that hes been talking with, leeane, [spelling?] his flash art and she liked it a lot...i showed her and the other tattoo artist flip what i want to put on my back and they both thought it would be awesome...and set me back anywhere from 600 to 700 dollars...which is a lot less than i had first anticipated...and i still have a few months to save up...so im not really concerned about the cost...after we were finished up there we went down to best buy so i could get some photo paper...i adore this new camera of mine...and once i get my pictures edited and saved i think i want to start a photo journal...dunno yet tho...we went a dicked around at the mall a little bit...then we went and i bought him some groceries...me offering and not him asking...then we went back to his apartment and ate some dinner and watched the simpsons...it was so nice just to have a day with him where we were both in a good mood...and its so nice to cuddle again [cheesy i know...sorry...]...we are still backing off of hanging out and seeing each other as much...which i think will be good for a while...time to go mess with some pictures and go to bed...im actually sleepy... Current Mood: content Current Music: the postal service "the district sleeps alone tonite" (10 comments \| Leave a comment)
09:14 am [Link]	...and im back home... ...so i got home from cali yesterday...the trip itself was rather nice...the weather was beautiful...and i decided all my worries would go away if i could just spend my life out on the beach...we went to disneyland which kind of sucked....disneyland is just filled with bastards...but whatever...at least i got to eat churros...i think that was the highlight of disneyland for me...aside from getting stuck at the top of a ferris wheel for twenty minutes or so...it was alright tho...we went to venice beach...and that was nice...it was overcast and rather cold...so i got to wear a jacket again...the boardwalk was fun too...it was neat how diverse it was...it was kind of dumpy but diverse non-the-less...i bought a little painting from one of the bums on the side of the road trying to sell their stuff...i like it...and he was quite the character...but now im back home...and everything i left behind for those few days is now coming straight back at me...what do i do about evan and i???...what i need to do is just think what is best for me and no one else...but that is SO incredibly hard to do...part of me wants to see if things get better between us...but the other part of me is so disatisfied...and it breaks my heart because i know this is hurting him so much...which is why i have to make some sort of decision here soon...because i cant just keep stretching this out...its not fair to either one of us...but its especially not fair to him...i just dont want to lose him entirely out of my life...and i just hate that feeling of being alone....i'll figure all this out soon...i hope...on another note i finally got circle takes the square...the lovely people at zia held it an extra day for me to go pick it up...also picked up my ruin and the postal service...new music is always good...time to go eat breakfast and figure out what im gonna do today...which will probably be nothing...like usual... Current Mood: awake (12 comments \| Leave a comment)
June 1st, 2004
11:41 pm [Link]	...blue staind hands...damn paint... ...well i just got done painting about say...1/2 hour ago...and it made me realize that i still suck at it...oh well...i had fun...it gave me something to do...and let my thoughts drift elsewhere...tomorrow im leaving for my little 5 day excursion to cali...it will be a nice break from mesa...i guess...and i'll get to really use my new camera...i like it a lot so far...aside from the fact that it makes me realize how not photogenic i really am...im not looking forward to the drive however...at least i have my trusty cd player to bring with me...i wish zia would have got circle takes the square in before today so then i could have it to accompany me...but this is not the case...i should be getting to bed here soon...i have to wake up early...but im in one of those restless yet tired moods...i hate when this happens...cause its gonna take forever for me to finally fall asleep...oh well...time to at least try...maybe i'll find a computer in cali and i can update...or maybe not... Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: camera obscura (2 comments \| Leave a comment)

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